The Green One
by LPK9
Summary: Vader captures Luke and another "Rebel". Things get crazy and green. AU crack fic set 18 months after Bespin. Solo has been rescued and there is no Death Star 2.
1. Chapter 1

Author Note: I honestly don't even know what this fic is but it is weird. The idea came to me one night and I wrote it. Hope you enjoy it. It won't be long. Like 4 chapters total. I promise. Maybe.

 _Med Bay #5_

 _Imperial Prison_

 _Coronet City_

 _Corellia_

In a small med bay in the bowels of the Imperial Prison in Coronet City, Darth Vader loomed menacingly over the unconscious form of Luke Skywalker. The young Rebel, dressed in black garments, was lying on a med bed with his hands bound with high alloy steel manacles, and his legs and torso held to the bed with strong straps.

The Sith permitted himself the luxury of checking the straps. They were strong. Luke would not wake up, throw off his bonds, and levitate himself through the ceiling and into hyperspace.

His son was in custody. Finally.

And the boy was, thankfully, in reasonable shape. During the battle to take the youth, Luke had set fire to several Imperial buildings, taken down a squad of stormtroopers, and caused plumbing issues in Sector 17 of Coronet City which would take days, if not weeks, to resolve. He had suffered a few bumps and abrasions in the process, including a blow to the head, but he was mostly well.

At last, _at last,_ his son had been taken. After years and years and years of searching.

Well, four years. It felt like more. It felt like an eternity.

Darth Vader rocked back slightly on his prosthetic heels and smiled to himself. He felt ...

What was that feeling? It was a new feeling, or at least an unfamiliar one. He was, naturally, filled with satisfaction, but he had felt satisfied before.

He felt triumphant, but he had felt triumphant quite recently, when the Executor had blown a flotilla of pirate ships to space dust.

What was that feeling?

Not that it mattered. There was no particular point in pondering his own emotional state. Sith Lords didn't need to focus on emotion, merely get things done. And dwell in the Dark Side, and feed on its Dark Energies, and all that important stuff.

But Luke was still firmly asleep after being stunned unconscious and then pumped full of sedation drugs. Vader certainly wasn't going to wander off to fulfill vague tasks without the boy in hand, and he wanted to make sure his son was in reasonable medical shape before removing him from medical care. It would be most ... regrettable ... if his son were hauled on board Vader's shuttle and woke up with a brain aneurysm or something which required immediate medical care.

(A quick glance at Luke's recent brain scan showed a perfectly healthy brain, but Vader couldn't be too careful.)

So, he would stand, and loom, and wait for Luke to wake up.

He took a moment to inspect the lightsaber in his hand. Luke's lightsaber. He turned it on and found it had a green blade and was both well balanced and well made.

Luke had done an excellent job building his own lightsaber. He was truly powerful, as the Emperor had foreseen.

A stray thought rose like an oily bubble to the surface of his consciousness.

He was happy.

Yes, that was it. This emotion was happiness. It had been ... it had been 24 years since he had truly felt happy. It felt like that time behind the pillar on Coruscant, that incredible moment when Padme had told him, no, _Anakin_ , that she was pregnant.

With what was probably a dopey smile, Vader turned off the lightsaber and gazed full into his son's face.

There was a groan and abruptly the blue eyes fluttered open. Luke stared straight ahead for a full minute, obviously trying to make sense of his world.

Vader knew the moment when his child became aware of his presence, because there was a sudden surge of terror and a moment later, the intent gaze was fixed directly on him.

Luke frowned hideously, struggled ferociously for 13 seconds, and then subsided in frustration as the various bonds held him tightly to the bed.

"Well, this stinks," he stated gloomily.

"On the contrary," Vader said with pleasure, "it is a most aromatic and delightful situation."

(Aromatic and delightful situation? What was this? He was a Sith Lord, not a poet!)

Luke seemed to agree with his assessment.

"Aromatic?" he asked in confusion.

"As opposed to, er, malodorous," Vader said with discomfort.

There was a long pause as the two enemies gazed at one another, and then Luke sighed, "So now what, Father?"

The surge of happiness was even more pronounced now. Luke had ... Luke had ...

"So, you have accepted the truth," Vader rumbled, being careful to tamp down the giddy feelings which threatened to overwhelm him. He needed to stay in control of this situation.

"I've accepted the truth that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father," his son returned firmly.

"That name no longer has any meaning for me," Vader responded, just as firmly.

"Yeah, I guess that's probably about right," Luke replied with a disappointed look on his face. "For one thing, I can't imagine Anakin using the word 'malodorous.' Hard to believe you were ever 24 once."

There was a pause.

"Indeed," Vader finally said rather awkwardly. He had already transitioned to being Vader at age 24, but it seemed such a very long time ago. Nor had his speech patterns been so ... stately ... at that age.

"So," Luke said with determination, "again, now what?"

"I will soon escort you to the _Executor_ , which will embark to Imperial Center. I will present you to my master, who will turn you to the Dark Side."

Luke frowned, "Just like that?"

"Yes," Vader said confidently, "the Dark Side is power, my son. The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your master now."

"And then, what, we work for the Emperor and terrorize the galaxy as a family?"

"Precisely," the Sith said enthusiastically. Really, Luke was being very sensible, far more so than at Bespin. Of course, events at Bespin had been rather tumultuous and confusing for Luke. And for him, to be honest. Luke's insane, suicidal leap into the chasm still caused the occasional nightmare.

(Vader's eyes strayed briefly to the bound right hand of his son. A prosthetic hand. He really did regret chopping off Luke's hand. But apparently Luke was being reasonable about the whole Bespin debacle ...)

A thought occurred to him.

"To clarify, we will not terrorize the galaxy," Vader amended hastily. "We will bring order to the galaxy as father and son."

"No, that is not going to happen," Luke said calmly. "I will not turn to the Dark Side. It's not like I would be happy running around the galaxy, even at your side, blowing things up and murdering people by the thousands and millions."

Vader blinked at the 'even at your side'. What was that about?

"Even at my side?" he asked in a puzzled tone.

"Well, yeah," Luke said with a slight nod. "I admit I've always wanted to know my father so I'd like to spend time with you, but being a brutal psychopath would make me miserable, not to mention be absolutely terrible for the galaxy in general and individual sentients in particular."

Vader sighed, though not loudly enough to be heard through the vocoder.

"You do not understand, young one," he said patiently. "Only through the Dark Side can you achieve that which the Force wills. It is your destiny ..."

A soft beep interrupted him. With a frown, the Sith gestured to a datapad lying on a nearby shelf. It flew into his hand, and he perused the new message on it with leisurely interest.

"What were you doing here on Corellia, Luke?" he asked, not lifting his helmet.

"I have no intention of telling you that," his son responded with a distinct snap.

Now he lifted his gaze to focus it on the boy's indignant face.

"I advise you to tell me, Son," he stated absently. "If you do not, your Rebel companion will. And while I will not torture you, I have no such hesitation where he is concerned."

Luke blinked, and his Force presence generated obvious confusion.

"My ... companion? I'm alone on this ..." he trailed away, then shut his mouth firmly.

Vader waited a full 30 seconds, then stepped forward, released the straps tying Luke to the bed, and stepped back.

"Come," he ordered.

Luke rolled to his feet gracefully, his face still more curious than alarmed. That was a trifle odd. According to his men, this man was clearly a Rebel conspirator. So why was Luke puzzled?

Or perhaps the boy was more adept at concealing his emotions than expected.

The tall Dark Lord placed a hand on his son's right shoulder. The youth was inclined to take this poorly and pulled away, but Vader determinedly yanked him back.

He had, after all, missed his son's birth, infancy, toddlerhood, preschool years, early school years, early teen years, late teen years, and early twenties. He'd even failed to lay hands on his son at Bespin thanks to the boy being convinced that Vader had murdered his father (curse you, Obi-Wan Kenobi!) such that their entire interaction had consisted of Luke trying to kill Vader and Vader trying to capture Luke.

Looking back at the whole affair, it had been a profound mess of miscommunication, roiling emotions, and sword play.

With a sigh, Luke submitted to his father's guiding hand and walked out the door, to the right, and into an elevator. The lift dropped four levels and opened up without so much as a word between father and son. Luke looked peeved, and Vader was still basking in happiness. Words weren't necessary.

The elevator door slid open to reveal the command center of high security detention block C. The officers, who had been lounging at least a few millimeters, leaped to attention.

"Where is the Rebel prisoner?" Vader hissed menacingly. He must maintain his demeanor of psychotic Sith Lord, after all, not ecstatically happy father.

"Interrogation chamber #2, my Lord," a random lieutenant stated nervously. "This way, my Lord."

Luke allowed himself to be shepherded down the hall, his Force sense growing more uneasy.

The door slid open and Vader pushed Luke in gently, then followed his son in. The door shut, and locked, behind them.

It was a fairly large room for an interrogation chamber, with a high ceiling, cold and baleful lights, and numerous nasty devices for torturing multiple individuals at once. But there was only one prisoner in residence, a man about Luke's height, pale skinned, brown eyed, but at least 15 standard years older than Skywalker. The human was standing against a wall with his hands chained above his head, all ready for an unpleasant interrogation. He was dressed in oddly ill fitting clothes – the black shirt was a reasonable size, but the pants were rather large and drooped somewhat precariously around the man's waist.

Vader had long deprecated the Rebel's fashion choices. Bright orange flight suits? How was that practical for a rebel organization whose members were trying, presumably, to maintain a low profile? But this man's garments met a new low.

At random spots along the wall were 6 stormtroopers, thinking random trooper thoughts. Being a stormtrooper was generally a very dull job, but Vader didn't let that worry him. They weren't paid to be mentally stimulated, just to do their jobs.

Lastly, an Imperial interrogator class B was standing near an interrogation droid, ready to do his work when ordered to do so by his Lord.

Luke stopped so suddenly that Vader had to halt abruptly to avoid running into him. The boy's Force presence had shifted from uneasy to blazing incredulity.

"Broose?" Luke demanded in clear disbelief.

"Hi, Luke," the man replied with a thoughtful glint of his brown eyes.

Luke took a few steps closer to the man, and Vader let his hand drop from the youth's shoulder. They were secure enough here and the Dark Lord was curious. Clearly these two _did_ know one another.

"I thought ... I thought you went, you know, home!" Luke said in a bewildered tone.

"I did," 'Broose' replied gravely. "But I came back because you ... uh ... gave me some really great advice last time and I ... I could use more ... advice."

With a frown, Vader suddenly realized this man was a mild Force sensitive. Not really strong, nothing, _nothing_ like his son, but there was some Force sensitivity. Interesting.

"How did you find me?" Luke asked with indignation in his tone. "I mean, it's a really big galaxy!"

"Well, that's a complicated question with a complicated answer and remember ..."

"You're a genius," Luke said with a sigh. "Yeah, right. Got it."

The youth frowned at the chained man for a long moment and then asked, "How did you end up _here,_ though, in an Imperial prison facility?"

"Oh, that's simple enough," Broose answered with a slight smile. "You were all over the local news stations with that stunt you pulled today, the one that got you captured and caused a river of refuse to go flowing down one of the main streets ..."

"What?" Luke demanded, his eyes wide in horror. "Like, sewage, you mean? That is disgusting!"

"No," Broose said thoughtfully. "More like garbage. I think I saw some fish bones. If you have fish around here. Do you?"

"Yes," Vader's son replied wearily. "Yes, we have fish."

"So anyway, I could see you were in some kind of trouble, like real trouble, so I wandered into a bar and started making obscure comments about being allied with you and I got arrested."

There was a long pause.

Luke's face was a bewildered mixture of incredulity and horror.

Vader felt no horror, but he was certainly incredulous. This moron had deliberately gotten himself arrested? It was ridiculous! And yet, the man's Force sense rang true enough. What was going on?

"So, what's going on, Luke?" Broose asked politely. "Seems like maybe you neglected to tell me a few things, huh?"

The boy scowled and then sighed deeply, "First, you deliberately getting arrested was really stupid. Second, yes, of course there were things I didn't tell you, because I'm not ... I don't have clearance to tell random people certain things, and my life is complicated, and you don't need to know ... everything."

"So who is this?" the chained man asked with a lift of his chin toward Vader.

Now there was a ripple of shock from the random troopers in residence. Who was this man? How could he possibly not know the identity of Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith?

Luke rolled his eyes, but responded readily enough, "His name is Darth Vader. He's second in command of the Empire, which is the government controlling the galaxy."

"Which is a despotic, totalitarian and brutal government, right?" Broose asked curiously.

This was weirder and weirder. Had this man been hiding out in some remote moon for the last decades of his life? How could he not know what the Empire was?

"Yes, the Empire has murdered a bazillion civilians and wreaked havoc and destroyed worlds," Luke replied gloomily. "The Emperor runs the Empire, but Lord Vader is his strong arm, so to speak. They are both Sith Lords."

"Sith Lords?" the older man inquired curiously.

"Dark Side Force adepts," Luke explained. "Both _very_ powerful. I've not had the displeasure of meeting the Emperor yet, but I met Lord Vader about a year ago and tried to kill him and he chopped off my right hand with a laser sword. This was after I attacked him, so I kind of deserved it, but it hurt. A lot."

Broose frowned and shook his head, "Seems like you kind of had that coming, Luke. Why did you assault him?"

"Because he captured my friends and tortured them so I would come and try to rescue them, that's why! He set a trap for me, and I evaded it, and then he chopped off my hand, but I managed to escape by jumping into a bottomless shaft that thankfully wasn't bottomless and my friends rescued me," Luke returned indignantly.

"Gotcha," Broose said thoughtfully, eying the Dark Lord in a way which caused an uneasy stir in the Sith's thoroughly damaged stomach. It reminded him of the look a krayt dragon would give a bantha. This man's demeanor made no sense at all.

"So he's your enemy, then," the man continued carefully, shifting his arms so that the chains rattled slightly.

"Yes, emphatically," Luke said, his brows furrowed. "He's a thoroughly lousy excuse for a human being.

There was another pause, and then the boy's eyes widened in horror.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" the youth exclaimed. "Don't even think about it!"

"Seems like you need some help, Luke," Broose replied, his eyebrows raised.

"You ... you don't like killing people, you told me that!"

"I don't like it, no, but I owe you a lot, Luke. Do you really think I'm going to just let him do something horrible to you?"

The troopers behind Vader shuffled their feet slightly at these words, and Vader found himself dropping his hand close to his lightsaber. These were _very_ threatening words.

"I don't want you to," Luke replied passionately. "And you don't owe me anything, Broose! Your life was hardly in danger!"

"My soul was," the chained man said quietly.

The two stared intently at one another and then Luke's shoulders drooped slightly.

"Lord Vader is my father," he said quietly.

Another surge of bewilderment from the troopers, but that was nothing to the incredulity suddenly broadcast by the man called Broose.

"What?!" he demanded after he managed to shut his hanging mouth.

"Yeah" Luke said sadly. "He is. We have an incredibly messed up family and I didn't know until after he chopped my hand off, but yeah, he's my father. So for all that I hate what he's done, and who he is, I don't want you to kill him. Or try to kill him. I'm not sure you could."

Again, the krayt dragon look, mixed in with a very intent stare of curiosity.

Then the man relaxed, "Ok, that makes sense, Luke. I'm sorry I butted in. I have a friend with kind of a similar situation, actually. He and his younger brother have been fighting and nearly killing each other off and on for years."

"That's rotten," Luke responded sadly.

"Yeah," Broose agreed.

There was a pause and then Luke turned resolutely toward Vader.

"You will, of course, ignore my recommendation, but you really should let Broose go, Father."

There was a long pause while Vader stared first at Luke, then at the man in chains.

He admitted to being rather unnerved. But if he listened to Luke, then it would negatively change the dynamics of their relationship. No, he couldn't show weakness now.

"Commence with the interrogation," he ordered the Interrogator Class B.

"Broose," Luke said urgently as the interrogator prepared his shock stick, "Go that way!"

The boy was pointing towards the door of the cell with his bound hands even as he added, "Lower population center. You'll end up in a forest."

"Thanks, Luke," the prisoner responded sincerely, even as he apparently braced himself for ... something.

The interrogator stepped forward boldly with the shock stick in his hand, even as Luke began backpeddling. Vader grabbed him by the arm and halted his progress, noting the boy's spike of anxiety.

The stick was lifted and thrusted against Broose's chest. The man jerked and yelled in pain.

And a moment later, the man began changing before the Dark Lord's incredulous eyes.

He who had been a middle aged, medium height man began altering. The man, the Thing, was suddenly tall, and then taller. Taller than the Dark Lord of the Sith.

And green, very very very green. With giant, enormous, incredible muscles. With legs as large as tree trunks. The durasteel manacles shattered into a thousand pieces, broken apart by the gigantic wrists of the creature.

2.65% of Vader's horrified brain noted that while the man's shirt tore and fell along with the manacles, his stretchy pants held. So that was why the man's pants were so ill fitting ...

"Arrgghhhhhghhhh," the Thing, _the Hulk_ , howled.

"Rarhhghrrrrrrrr!"

 _Author Note: I know this should be a crossover but I was hoping to conceal "Broose's" identity until the last bit. As for how the Hulk ended up in the Star Wars universe, I'll explain that later. Maybe not convincingly!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Interrogation Chamber #2_

 _Cell Block C_

 _Coronet City_

 _Corellia_

Darth Vader took a cautious step back even as the giant fist of the enormous Green Thing slammed down on the hapless interrogator and squashed him to the floor.

Luke turned and grabbed at his father's arm with his bound hands, speaking urgently, "Father! Just leave him alone! Don't ..."

But Vader was already acting. He was a Sith Lord, after all. He had the power of the Dark Side at his finger tips. He wrenched loose of his son and strode forward, his red lightsaber lit for battle.

After all, the Thing had arms and legs and a body, and Vader was the best lightsaber user in the galaxy.

Not that it would be hard to hit something that big.

The stormtroopers had been firing frantically at the Hulk without any effect whatsoever except that the Giant was obviously angered. But as their Lord strode forward, they stopped shooting and retreated near the door, obviously intent on keeping both prisoners contained.

The Hulk turned to gaze down at the Lord of the Sith, his gigantic face twisted into a ferocious scowl.

The arms ... the arms of this Beast were so long that if the Sith got too close, the Hulk could reach out and send Vader flying. The Dark Lord lifted his hand and hurled the lightsaber toward the Thing's torso.

And then watched, incredulously, as the laser sword hit the green body, scored a shallow mark in the Beast's skin, and switched off. The Monster howled in discomfort but was obviously not damaged in any significant way.

 _What?!_

"Father, Father!" Luke sounded frantic now. "Come on, we have to go! You've made him angry ...!"

But in that moment, while Vader struggled to analyze what had just happened, the Hulk leaped forward and grabbed the Dark Lord's torso with his own giant hands.

Vader stretched out with the Force and grabbed the Hulk's body.

He, It, Whatever It Was, was enormous! Vader had thrown heavier objects, of course, but not creatures which were actively trying to squeeze him to death.

With a sigh of relief, Vader managed to pull the huge hands loose and throw the Creature against the wall of the cell, though the green fingers grabbed a few stray electronic bits and caused sparking in the Dark Lord's suit.

Nonetheless, the Thing was down.

Very briefly.

Within a few seconds, the Hulk was back on his feet, his eyes narrowed in rage, the sinews of his neck bulging forth.

With a howl of fury, he stomped towards the Dark Lord.

Luke threw himself between the two, "Hulk! No, please, no! Don't ..."

A colossal green hand swept the boy aside. Vader sensed Luke's Force presence waver as his body hit the wall, but a moment later the youth was back on his feet, shaken but apparently unhurt.

Darth Vader hit his com and spoke with far more urgency than usual, "We have a priority 1 situation in Cell Block C. Send all available troops."

An instant later, his lightsaber was back in his hand, turned on, and, more optimistically than hopefully, he struck the Hulk's arm again.

Once again, a very minor line of green blood appeared on the mammoth arm, and the lightsaber shorted out.

It was like the Creature's body was made of cortosis ore, which shorted out lightsabers! But of course it couldn't be cortosis ore, because cortosis was brittle and the Thing was obviously very tough!

Again, the giant hands reached out toward the Dark Lord. He stepped back a few steps, even as Luke foolishly moved toward the pair.

"Luke," Vader rasped, his eyes straying briefly to his boy, "stay away from us! Leave this cell as soon as the door is unlocked ..."

The brief moment of distraction was all the Hulk needed. One giant hand grabbed the Sith by his right leg, and Vader was _upside down_ , and was being slammed against the ground. Over and over and over again ...

"Hulk! Broose! No, please, no! Broose! Hulk!"

It was his son, it was Luke. His boy, pleading for his life. As if he deserved it ...

And then the slamming ended, and he found himself flat on his back, his armor sparking, his cyborg arms broken, a moan hissing through his scarred lips. And through his broken mask and blurred vision he found himself gazing up at the giant Hulk who loomed over him.

"Puny Sith," It growled.

"Father, Father," Luke cried out, kneeling down next to him.

And then, "Go Hulk, go! Get away from this place. Be safe, my friend!"

The oxygen level alarm sounded as Vader's breathing grew more unsteady. His life support suit was broken, the pain intense.

"Father, hang on," Vader heard his son say through the growing haze of agony and exhaustion. "You, over there! Lord Vader is badly injured. You will bring a med cart here immediately."

"I will bring a med cart immediately ..."

There was a brief hiss of a lightsaber and Vader was dimly aware that Luke had freed himself of his manacles.

A moment later, his son's strong but gentle hands reached out and lifted the mask off his face, and suddenly a mask was held firmly against his scarred mouth and nose, and oxygen was flowing into his body, even as he sensed Luke's Force presence push into his own, sustaining him with the boy's love.

But the injuries were severe, and he was exhausted and yes, afraid. Perhaps this was the end ...

Darth Vader lost consciousness.

 _/-_

 _Emperor Palpatine's Throne Room_

 _Imperial Palace_

 _Imperial City_

 _Imperial Center_

 _4 weeks later_

Emperor Palpatine, Darth Sidious, sat on his throne staring out over the glory that was Imperial City. It was mid-afternoon, and the sky was cerulean, the clouds a mixture of stratus and nimbus. Quite lovely, if one was so inclined as to enjoy the weather.

Palpatine wasn't, at least not today. He had far more important things on his mind. Behind him, he heard the door to his Throne Room slide open. A moment later came the sound of many feet even as he followed the Force presences of the new arrivals with his mind.

Six guards, who were Force blind and thoroughly boring.

Mara Jade, remarkably Light in the Force, though that only made it more fun that she was devoted to him.

And ... and ...

He swiveled his throne to face the young man who had been haunting his dreams for years now, ever since spies had brought the news that the Rebel Destroyer of Palpatine's precious Death Star was named Skywalker.

"Welcome, young Skywalker," he intoned in a thoroughly gloating tone, "I have been expecting you."

The youth, dressed in black, with a shock collar around his neck, was surprisingly short given the height of the boy's father; cyborg Vader was quite a bit taller than human Anakin, but Anakin had been tall.

Amidala had been short, though. That probably accounted for it.

It would, Palpatine decided, be nice to have an apprentice who didn't loom over him quite so much. And Skywalker was young, healthy, and 93% whole. A stray prosthetic hand was par for the course for Skywalkers, after all.

He was, at any rate, in far better physical shape than his medical disaster of a father.

Palpatine sighed softly, his artistic sense vaguely insulted. The shock collar was rather crude, but a necessity under the circumstances. Even with manacles around his wrists, the young Skywalker was a danger. And while Vader (when healthy) was entirely capable of keeping the boy in check, Jade needed to be able to shock the prisoner into submission if necessary.

The Emperor gestured to the white armored stormtroopers, "Leave us."

They obediently retreated, leaving the Emperor, Jade, and Skywalker in a cluster. Fifteen Royal Guards were ranged around the sides of the room, ready to intervene in the unlikely event that Skywalker got uppity.

The Sith Master rose to his feet and stalked over to inspect his new apprentice, noting the obvious resemblance between the youth and his father before Vader had had an intimate and uncomfortable interaction with the lava flows of Mustafar.

"His lightsaber, my Master," Jade said with a bow of her head, even as she reached out her hand.

"Excellent," Sidious cackled, looking down at it, then back up. "A most impressive accomplishment, young Skywalker, after the regrettable loss of your former weapon."

Skywalker was gazing at him with rampant curiosity in his clear blue eyes, and he spoke now for the first time.

"You look really bad, your Highness!" he exclaimed.

Jade immediately slapped the youth across the face.

"How dare you!" she snarled.

"Jade," Sidious growled in irritation.

"My apologies, my Master," she responded, her head bowed in contrition.

"I mean, really bad," Skywalker continued, apparently heedless of both the slap and this exchange. "Not as bad as my father, of course. He looks like he's been at death's door for decades. But you don't look so hot either. What, is there some unwritten rule that Sith Lords have to look like they are about to drop dead?"

Bewilderment surged across Jade's face at these words, even as the Emperor's yellow eyes narrowed, "You would be wise to mind your tongue, boy."

"Yes, I should," Skywalker responded quickly. "I do apologize. There is nothing inherently wrong with being an ugly wrinkled mess. I just thought that given your power in the Force and the fact that you're the Emperor of the known galaxy you could, I don't know, get some plastic surgery ...?"

He trailed off, apparently deep in thought, before continuing more slowly, "But you do look very fearsome. Again, not as terrifying as my father, but the 'yellow Sith eyes' thing is deeply unsettling, and you have a well developed menacing aura. Very scary."

"But not as 'scary' as your father, young Skywalker?" the Emperor inquired in a silky tone.

"With his armor on, he's scarier," the boy returned promptly. "But I admit with his mask off, he is more pathetic than petrifying. He really is a mess, and I still don't know what happened to him."

"So you saw him unmasked?" the Emperor demanded.

"Oh yeah," the young Jedi responded firmly. "He would have died on the spot if I hadn't taken off his mask and given him oxygen. And then I helped the local med people transport him to the intensive care facilities while the Hulk knocked much of the building down. The Beast really got him good. But I'm sure you know that. You are his master, after all, and he reports to you."

The elder Sith tilted his head thoughtfully then stepped back a few steps and walked casually toward a smaller window, though he kept his Force senses tightly attuned to the young Jedi's emotional state. Skywalker was a simple enough lad, it seemed, but it was never wise to be totally laisse faire with Skywalkers.

"So you saved his life, young Skywalker?" the Emperor continued with his eyes on the distant horizon of Imperial City's cityscape.

He turned back now, a gloating smile on his lips, "I find that a surprising decision for a Rebel, to save the life of Darth Vader."

Palpatine's focus was on Skywalker, but through his bond with Jade he felt the girl's emotions, which had been simmering with bewilderment, surge in astonishment.

Ah yes, she hadn't known of the father/son relationship between Vader and Skywalker. It hardly mattered, but he would need to debrief her later.

"Yes, I did," Skywalker returned, his face calm. "I hate what he's done and who he is, but he is my father, and I was ... responsible for what happened to him."

"And what precisely did happen to him, my young apprentice?"

"Er, don't you know?" the boy clearly seemed puzzled.

"Regrettably, your father's health has been precarious in the last weeks, ever since his unfortunate encounter with the Large Green Thing on Corellia," Palpatine replied irritably. "Furthermore, the Beast's actions resulted in so much damage and Imperial death that there is no recorded or sentient information about what happened in that cell block."

He stalked back closer to the young Jedi, "Indeed, it is not entirely clear that your father will survive. He is undergoing extensive medical treatment, and has been quite unable to communicate with me in any coherent manner these last weeks. Therefore, young Skywalker, I require information about this Green Hulk of which you speak."

The youth lifted his eyebrows, "Like, er, origin story? Location? Abilities? That kind of thing?"

"Precisely," Palpatine said with an impatient nod.

The boy tilted his head, "Ok. I'll tell you what I know about him, if you in turn tell me something."

"Which is?" Sidious inquired wearily. This was tiresome but he needed to know more about the Large Green Thing which had managed to smash his apprentice into pulp. It was possible that Vader was a lost cause, though Palpatine could still use the dilapidated cyborg to bring his son to the Dark Side. The youth was clearly attached to his father (as ridiculous as that was) and could be manipulated that way.

Now the young face was grave, his emotional state sober, his eyes sad.

"Why did my father turn to the Dark Side?"

Palpatine tilted his wrinkled head slightly, then nodded.

"A most reasonable question, my young apprentice," Sidious said with a gentle smile, "and a pertinent one, since you will soon follow your Father's path. Your father wished to save your mother and you, his unborn child. He had dreams of her death, and the Jedi decried his attachment to her and told him to let her die. I pledged my assistance in saving her from death, but ..."

Here the aged face drooped in apparent sorrow, "Most unfortunately, your mother argued with your father and in his anger, he reached out through the Force and choked her, the woman carrying his child, to death."

He shook his head in affected sorrow, "A tragedy indeed. Padme Amidala was a remarkable woman, and would have been a wonderful mother to you. It is a calamity that your father's actions left you an effective orphan from birth, a greater tragedy still that the Jedi stole you and brought you to the accursed planet of Tatooine."

Skywalker's face was bewildered, "But how did he get, you know, all burned and stuff?"

"Kenobi accompanied your mother and after your parents argued, the Jedi fought your father on the lava fields of Mustafar, a battle which regrettably ended in your father's defeat and the loss of his three remaining biological limbs. He literally caught on fire, and only my timely intervention saved his life."

Skywalker stared at him incredulously, "So my parents argued, my father killed my mother, and Obi-Wan nearly killed my father?"

"Precisely," the Emperor said with a sympathetic smile. (He hoped it was sympathetic, at any rate. He was out of practice with projecting sympathy anymore. Even he had his limitations.)

The youth rolled his blue eyes, "That is totally _not_ what happened."

There was a surge of ire from Jade, but she kept silent.

The black clad Jedi turned now to face her, and shook his head, "Sorry, your Highness, I totally need to go off on a tangent. What am I _doing_ here? You've got this gorgeous young lady here, a Force Sensitive, who obviously worships the ground you walk on. Why don't you just torture me to death, or execute me in the Imperial Square, and have her as your new apprentice?"

Sidious shot Jade an irritated look. The woman's face was a mask of calm, but he could sense the tumult caused by Skywalker's words.

"Jade has her uses," the Sith growled, "but she is _hardly_ worthy of being a Sith apprentice. She lacks the strength in the Force. I demand the best and you, young Skywalker, are the most powerful Force user in the galaxy aside from myself and your father."

Skywalker actually took a tiny step back and then shot a clearly an apologetic glance at Jade.

"Um, Ok. Sorry I brought it up," he stated, clearly contritely. "I will say this, Miss ... um ... Jade – you have beautiful green eyes, and I think you'd look weird with yellow eyes."

"Enough of this," Sidious snarled. "The Green Thing."

"No, first, my mother," Skywalker snapped back. "There is no way my father killed my mother, because I'm alive and healthy. If he killed her, I'd have died with her. That's just basic human biology."

The Emperor stared at the youth for a long moment, and then a reluctant evil smile graced his ugly features. The boy was more clever than he appeared.

He chuckled, and decided on the truth.

"You are correct, young Skywalker," the Emperor said with a smile of glee. "Your mother did not fall at your father's hand, though she died of unknown causes after your birth. But your father _believed_ he killed her, and you with her."

" _You_ told him that," Skywalker returned, his eyes cold.

"Indeed," Sidious said agreeably. "It cemented both his devotion to the Dark Side and me."

He stepped forward again and reached out a skeletal hand to grasp the youth's chin, "I _always_ get what I want and you would do well to remember that. Now, since you cling to the pathetic Light, I presume you will fulfill your promise. I require information about this Green Hulk. Now."

The boy stepped back a pace, pulling away from the old despot's grip.

He blew out a long breath and spoke readily enough, "I don't know a great deal about him, your Highness. He is not of this galaxy, or of this time. He spoke of a lab accident, and of the dangers of genius, and of a portal. He is strong, incredibly strong. He can be brutal. He is a mild Force Sensitive. And we have an unusual Force bond, which means he can always find me."

There was a sudden, weird, _green_ surge of the Force.

The Emperor spun around as the window behind his throne suddenly broke into ten thousand pieces and a large, _incredibly_ large, three meter Beast burst through, showering the floor with transparisteel.

"Arrgghhhhhghhhh," the Thing, _the Hulk_ , howled.

"Rarhhghrrrrrrrr!"

 _Author Note: I just watched_ Return of the Jedi _again last week with my wonderful husband, and was startled anew at how bad Palpatine looked. Like, dude, I guess that battle with Mace Windu had very long lasting effects!_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Author Note: The beginning of this chapter starts a couple of minutes before the end of the last chapter._**

 _Emperor Palpatine's Throne Room_

 _Imperial Palace_

 _Imperial City_

 _Imperial Center_

Mara Jade stared at Luke Skywalker incredulously as the youth rolled his eyes and said, "That is totally _not_ what happened."

It took everything that Jade had, every iota of training, to not slash this insolent Rebel in the throat with her right hand. She wouldn't kill him, just cause a world of hurt.

How dare he, how _dare_ this puny, impudent boy insult her precious and powerful Master, the greatest man who had ever lived?

But her Master wanted her to stay still, so she would. She was perfectly trained both to assassinate and to hold back as necessary. Though she'd love to shove her fist down this vile Rebel's throat.

Jade was confident her face was stoic, but obviously the prisoner sensed her emotional turmoil because he now turned toward her, surprise on his face.

"Sorry, your Highness," Skywalker said as he shook his head, "I totally need to go off on a tangent. What am I _doing_ here? You've got this gorgeous young lady here, a Force Sensitive, who obviously worships the ground you walk on. Why don't you just torture me to death, or execute me in the public square, and have her as your new apprentice?"

" _Good question,"_ a tiny voice commented in the very back of Mara Jade's mind. She resolutely silenced it. She was content to serve her Master in whatever way he deemed fit.

The Emperor glanced at her briefly, then turned his focus on the insolent boy standing chained before him.

"Jade has her uses," her Master stated coldly, "but she is _hardly_ worthy of being a Sith apprentice. She lacks the strength in the Force. I demand the best and you, young Skywalker, are the most powerful Force user in the galaxy aside from myself and your father."

 _"Not worthy?"_ the voice in Mara's head mourned. " _I'm the one who successfully tracked down this traitorous Rebel to a canned gornt factory on Yulant. I'm the one who brought him in chains to my Master. Even Vader never succeeded in doing that!"_

The dark blond Rebel focused his blue eyes on her.

"Um, Ok. Sorry I brought it up," Skywalker said with an apologetic air. "I will say this, Miss ... um ... Jade – you have beautiful green eyes, and I think you'd look weird with yellow eyes."

" _Yellow eyes? Is that why my Master has yellow eyes? I would be worthy of a higher calling if I had yellow eyes?"_

Jade barely repressed a bewildered shake of the head. There was so much here she hadn't known before. Skywalker was Vader's son. Vader was ... was definitely human. Or had been human. Truly great people had yellow eyes.

As her brain whirred, her Master and the prisoner continued their discussion. Mara's brain was taking it all down and she would be able to regurgitate it, word for word, but she wasn't able to analyze it with her usual panache.

Her Master thought she was not worthy. She, who adored him, who, yes, worshipped him, was not worthy ...

She heard Skywalker speak through her mental haze, "He is strong, incredibly strong. He can be brutal. He is a mild Force Sensitive. And we have an unusual Force bond, which means he can always find me."

This last sentence was said with particular emphasis and Mara stiffened just as a gigantic, enormous, gargantuan green beast burst through the window of the Emperor's Throne Room.

"Arrgghhhhhghhhh," the Thing, _the Hulk_ , howled.

"Master!" Jade shouted, hurling herself in front of the Emperor's slight form.

The enormous green hand knocked her aside as if she were a mere portaak leaf and she was flung a full five meters from her Emperor. At the same time, she heard the distinctive sound of Force Lightning crackling forth, even as the giant Hulk howled, apparently in pain.

There was the sound of barked orders and rushing feet as the Royal Guards, clad in red robes and wielding their Force Pikes, rushed to their liege's rescue.

Jade rolled to her feet, struggling to get her breath back from being knocked flat, only to stiffen in horror. Skywalker was reaching out his hand and the lightsaber, which had been dropped by the Emperor in the Hulk's initial attack, jumped up, turned on, spun around, and hurtled over to slice into Skywalker's manacles, which fell in pieces onto the floor. The Jedi grabbed hilt in his right hand and moved toward the Emperor, the bright green blade flickering its deadly cold fire.

The Guards had engaged the Beast, prodding it with their Force pikes. The Hulk howled in rage and fury but was not incapacitated – it smashed the guards one after another, even as the Emperor hurried to put distance between himself and both the Thing and the young Jedi.

Shock collar!

Her hand leaped to her pocket and she pushed the shock collar controller with vicious pleasure. Skywalker yelped and wavered, but did not go down.

Imprecations raced through Jade's mind as she fumbled for the controller. It was set at power level 4, which should be enough to impart paralyzing pain, but Skywalker was apparently tougher than he looked. She needed to increase the power ...

The controller leaped out her hand and toward the Jedi, and the lightsaber slashed through it, destroying it.

Skywalker, incredibly enough, had now shaken off the shock like a bantha ridding itself of a sand fly. The black clad Jedi leaped forward and was now engaging the remaining Red Guards who had formed a circle around the Emperor with Force Pikes at the ready to protect their monarch.

The Emperor himself, who stood in the middle of the circle, was aiming his Force Lightning at the Green Beast who was smashing guards and slowly pushing ever closer to him. The Hulk clearly found the lightning painful, but not enough to stop him entirely.

And Skywalker was coming from the other direction, dodging Force pikes, slicing guards in half ...

"Master!" Jade cried out in distress. He was in terrible danger!

She yanked her ankle blaster out of its hidden compartment and aimed at the Beast. The blaster bolts glanced off the green hide as if they were grav-balls.

With a snarl, she turned her attention on Skywalker, who had, after sustaining a minor impact with a Force pike, cut a guard in half.

She fired, viciously, only to have the Jedi turn and deflect her blaster bolts right into the exposed neck joint of another guard. An instant later, the blaster was yanked out of her hand the Force and met the same fate as the shock collar controller.

Panic briefly threatened to overwhelm the Emperor's Hand. Her Master was in terrible trouble with a giant Green Beast on one side and Vader's son on the other!

Knives! She had knives!

She pulled one out of her other boot, the other out of its belt sheath, and stormed forward.

Skywalker ducked another strike by a Force pike even as Jade drove forward with both knives, intent on disemboweling the youth.

He sensed it ( _naturally_!) and managed to evade one strike entirely. The other missed anything vital but sliced across the young man's left bicep.

She felt a surge of brief triumph just as both knives were yanked from her grasp and thrown into a random nearby electronic panel, which then sparked dramatically.

An instant later, Skywalker sliced a nearby guard in half, then turned and lowered the blade, twirled it, and cut Mara's legs off below the knees!

In spite of herself, she screamed. Such pain, such pain! She collapsed on the floor, her eyes wide with terror, agony, and a horrifying sense of despair. She had failed, she had failed her Master ...

Skywalker surged forward now and the Emperor, who had been bombarding the Hulk with Force Lightning, spun around as quickly as his aged body would allow and proceeded to turn his impressive electrical power on the youth.

The Jedi was partially prepared for the assault and stopped most of the tendrils of lightning with his lightsaber. The remaining bolts, however, blasted into the youth's arms and torso, causing him to retreat in spite of himself, to cry out in pain.

And then before Mara Jade's disbelieving eyes, the giant Creature, the Beast, the Hulk leaped over the last remaining Royal Guards directly onto Palpatine's head!

The Emperor collapsed like a wroshyr tree felled by Wookiees. The ancient despot didn't even have time to vocalize before the Hulk was jumping _up and down_ on the prone form, howling and pounding his giant green fists into the skeletal body. Amidst the triumphant bellowing came the horrifying sound of bones cracking and fluids squirting out of Palpatine's body and onto the formerly pristine floor.

The Emperor was dead.

The Emperor was dead!

"Hulk!" Skywalker shouted. "Kill that last guard while I disable the elevator. We have new troops on their way."

Exhausted, agonized, Jade watched with blank eyes as the Hulk picked up the last Royal Guard and hurled him so hard against a far wall that the man crumbled to the floor, clearly dead.

She could hear the sound of the Rebel's lightsaber behind her, but all her focus was on the giant Green Form which was kneeling near her, inspecting the flattened remains of her former master.

Wait, there was one more weapon in her repertoire.

With a stifled gasp of pain, Jade rolled over onto her stomach and used her arms to drag herself toward the Hulk. When she was within an arm length of the Beast's leg, she reached up, with difficulty, and carefully removed the poison tipped hair ornament which held her red hair in an elegant bun. Then, with a surge of triumph, she leaned forward and, with her waning strength, drove the needle into the Beast's left leg.

It roared in fury and turned, flicking the poisoned lance out of its leg, then bent down to stare into her face, its great green brow furrowed in anger.

A second went by, and then another, as Mara waited for her end.

"Hulk!" Skywalker called from across the room. "Leave her alone, please!"

The great green fingers reached down and caressed her red hair, then twirled one strand around the giant green pinky finger.

"Pretty," the Beast said reverently.

Skywalker was back now, "Hulk, let's go! We've got troops on their way. Not that I'm thrilled about heights and we are 15 floors up, but ..."

He knelt down next to Mara now, gazing into her green eyes which were a mixture of rage and physical anguish.

"I'm sorry about your legs, Miss Jade," the youth said softly, and reached out to touch her head with his right hand.

" _Sleep!"_ a voice rang in her mind.

Mara Jade lost consciousness.

/-

 _Dilapidated Apartment_

 _6 levels below the surface of Imperial City_

 _Imperial Center_

 _3 hours later_

"The whole planet is on lockdown, of course," Luke said into his comlink. "I'll just bide my time here until the situation stabilizes."

"Be careful," Leia responded, her voice somewhat distorted by distance and jamming tech. "Do you need extraction?"

"No, no!" Luke responded. "I should be able to get off planet in time. Just ... just stay safe."

There was a groan from the bed along the inner wall, and Luke glanced up hastily.

"I need to go. My friend is waking up."

"Ok. I love you," his sister's voice responded. "And great job, both of you. It's a non-stop party here, of course. Our little Ewok friends have infiltrated our base with some amazing tree root hooch and Antilles is already drunk."

"I love you too. Have a blue milk special for me."

Leia chuckled in amusement, and then the link went dead.

Luke walked over to the bed, where he knelt down next Broose Banner's left leg. The bandaged wound was barely seeping now. That was good.

He glanced up to see Banner staring at him, a rather bewildered look on his face.

"Hi, Broose."

"Hey, Luke," the man responded, sitting up quickly and then settling back with a groan. "Ouch, my leg!"

"Yeah, the red haired girl, Jade, stabbed you in the leg with something poisonous. The Hulk processed most of the poison and I gave you meds as soon as we got here. I've got bacta bandages on the wound and you should drink some bacta as well. I think you'll be Ok, but it has to hurt."

Banner sat up cautiously and leaned forward to inspect the leg in question, "Yeah, a little swollen but not too badly. Hurts, but not too badly."

"Here," Skywalker said, gesturing with one hand. The rather noisy cooling unit opened, and a small flask opened out and floated into the youth's hand. He opened it with a flourish, and handed it to Banner.

"Drink up," he said.

"Bacta?" his companion asked curiously.

A brisk nod, and Broose eyed the liquid uneasily before throwing it down his throat.

A moment later he was gagging, and it took all his mental and physical stamina to keep from upchucking.

"Oh ... oh ... ugh ..."

"Yeah, nasty, I know," Luke said with a sympathetic grin. "As an added bonus, you'll probably have that taste in your mouth for a few days. But it has wonderful healing properties."

"It had better." Broose growled, then smiled, "Seriously, thanks Luke."

"No." Luke shook his head resolutely. "Thank _you_. You just killed Emperor Palpatine. People have been trying for decades to kill him. You've done something amazing for our galaxy, and you're not even from around here."

This last was said with a slight grin, and Banner chuckled, "I am most definitely not from around here. So what's the situation?"

Skywalker stood up and walked over to the door, focused briefly, then turned back.

"We're safe enough for now. You changed back to Banner in one of the gigantic sewage pipes underneath the city ...

"Oh, that's what that smell is ..."

Luke grinned, "Yep. I was able to deflect attention, using the Force, from those few people who saw us come into the apartment. I suggest you take a sonic shower. I took one myself and the shower works quite well, which isn't a given for this dive. Be grateful. This place is stocked with food and meds so we can lie low until the situation settles."

Banner nodded in appreciation, then slowly rolled to his feet and limped over to the bathroom. He had to get this smell off of him.

"I threw some clothes in there for you," Skywalker called as he shut the door behind him.

When he exited the refresher, clean and freshly dressed, Luke was sitting by a wobbly table which held an exciting repast of food bars (which, Broose knew from experience, tasted rather like cardboard) and a peculiar drink that Luke called 'blue milk'. He didn't even want to know what made it blue. It tasted weird, which probably meant it was amazingly healthy.

"So," Skywalker said briskly, gulping down a long sip of blue milk with apparent relish, "you've killed the Emperor for us, which makes you one of my favorite people in this galaxy. Before you make your weird portal and leave, is there anything else you need from me?"

Broose leaned back and heaved a thoughtful sigh, "What do _you_ think, Luke? When you found me about to decimate that village, I was a rage monster ..."

"In the Hulk's defense, they were attacking him," Skywalker pointed out.

Banner shook his head, "With spears. They were a primitive tribe of small bears ..."

"Ewoks," his friend chimed in.

"Yeah, and I ... the Hulk would have killed most of them if you hadn't interfered."

Luke stared at him for a long moment, then smiled a little, "You're such a good man, Broose. The Hulk had just been transported through some odd portal, which had to be unsettling, and then he was promptly attacked ..."

"By teddy bears!" Broose said in frustration. "I should know better than to attack teddy bears!"

Skywalker lifted a puzzled eyebrow, "Teddy bears?"

The Earthling heaved an apologetic sigh, "It's an Earth term. We had a president in my country named Teddy, and we've named stuffed bears after him."

A pause.

"Your ... president was a bear?" the Jedi asked in bewilderment.

"No! No, the president was a man, who hunted bears, and then people made stuffed, artificial bears, as toys I mean, and their popular name became teddy bear."

Skywalker nodded weakly, "Ok, I guess I understand that. Or maybe I don't. It doesn't matter. Nor does it matter that you can speak my language now, when we needed our translator droid when we first met ..."

"Translation circuit," Broose said with a proud grin. "Not easy to keep in place with changes between the Hulk and me but I managed it. I am, after all ..."

"A genius, I know!" Luke said with a laugh.

"Seriously, Luke," his friend said gravely, "you managed to reach inside the Hulk and calm him to the point that he didn't pummel a bunch of hapless bears, and then you taught me how to retain some intelligent control of the Beast after transformation. I know it ties into this Force thing and my minor sensitivity to it. I don't need details, I just know it works. My control over the transitions improved significantly after our first interactions, and even more so in the last few weeks as we've worked together."

He lifted his head and gazed at the ceiling for a long moment, then lowered his eyes down to meet Skywalker's, "And I think I'm ready to go home, and stay there."

Luke reached out to touch Banner's arm, "I believe so too, Broose. You've learned as much as I can teach you based on my current skill level, and indeed I don't think you need any more. You are a man with a good heart and a brilliant mind. And I suspect you are needed back in your own time and place."

Banner nodded, smiling wryly, "Almost certainly. We have plenty of problems in our own galaxy. Rogue Asgardians and pirates and random terrorist types."

"I hope ... you have friends and family waiting too?" Skywalker asked in concern.

Banner sighed, "The Hulk has largely shattered relationships from my past, but yes, I do have friends, the Avengers. Earth's mightiest heroes."

Luke smiled slightly, "And is one of them a redhead? The Hulk seemed quite taken with Jade's red hair."

Banner felt his face warm, and he grinned reluctantly, "Yeah, um. I do have a red haired ... friend. Natasha."

"And what is she like?" Luke asked curiously.

"She's a former assassin," Broose said with a sly smirk. "She can kill people in a hundred ways, including with a rubber band, and is death on heels."

Skywalker's eyes widened, "Yeah? She sounds ... interesting ..."

"Very," Banner said firmly. "But trust me, she has a great and noble heart."

Skywalker's face suddenly took on a worried grimace, "Broose, is there _any_ chance that your baddies will show up in our galaxy through a portal? It's good to be forewarned."

The scientist shook his head decidedly, "No chance of that. My own initial transport to your universe was the result of a bizarre combination of my mild Force sensitivity, an Infinity stone, a devious Loki, a nuclear reactor about to blow, and a hot cup of very strong tea. And if it had happened to anyone else, it would have killed him or her. The Hulk survived because the Hulk is incredibly strong. Then I was able to backtrack the whole process and return to my galaxy, then return for further training. But trust me, no one else is showing up via that method, anyway."

"Good," Luke said with relief, "Very good. We have plenty of problems of our own."

"Like your father."

"Like my father," the youth said with a grave nod.

A pause.

"So what are you going to do about him, Luke?" Broose asked softly.

"I'm going to go to him," the boy returned promptly.

Banner raised a surprised eyebrow, "Is that wise? You said he's very ..."

"Evil, yes," Luke said, leaping to his feet and beginning to pace the small confines of the apartment. "But the Emperor told me a few things about him that explained a great deal. More than that ..."

The youthful face grew thoughtful even as he turned to stare directly into Banner's eyes, "More than that, I'm convinced I am the one person who can possibly reach him. He was actually happy when he captured me on Corellia, happy to be with me, I mean. And when the Hulk attacked and I got in the way, he was so focused on me that he got distracted. I know he's still alive, I can sense it, but apparently he's in bad shape."

Banner winced, "I'm sorry the Hulk harmed him so much, Luke."

"Couldn't happen to a meaner man," Luke responded firmly. "Please don't feel badly, Broose. I warned him. He's done terrible things. I believe that I have a role to play in his life that may result in him coming back to the Light, but don't feel badly for hurting him. He deserved it."

"And if he doesn't, as you put it, come back to the Light?" Broose asked worriedly.

"Then he might kill me," Luke said with a resigned sigh. "My life expectancy has been rather uncertain ever since I left Tatooine, my friend. If I die trying to save my father – well, then that is my destiny. My sister will have to carry on, but she's a strong woman and she'll do it."

"I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that," his friend said sadly.

"Me too."

The two gazed at one another for a long moment, and then Skywalker shook off his solemn mood and gestured toward the cooling unit again.

"Before you leave, let me offer you some dweezel. This was my favorite dessert as a kid on Tatooine ..."

 _/-_

 _Iowa_

 _Earth_

"Steve! What is _that_?" Natasha demanded, her arm raised toward the horizon. A moment later, she had plunged a spear into a 2 foot tall grasshopper which was approaching her with waving pincers.

Steve Rogers, Captain America, gazed at the horizon even as he frowned at the words entering his earpiece.

"Stark is up there and says it's the Mother!" he shouted to her. "Apparently she's two meters tall, five meters long, heavily armored, shielded, well guarded, and Stark can't take her down. She's likely running the whole show, as Jarvis is picking up high frequency communication between her and the other gigantic, mutant insects. We need to destroy her! "

The Black Widow kicked another large grasshopper away from her even as she did a back flip onto a handy farm wagon.

"There are thousands of them, Steve!" she yelled in frustration. "And they are cutting giant swaths through the wheat! They are going to decimate the wheat harvest of Iowa if we don't stop this, and it looks like a horde of them are lining up to protect the Mother. We need help!"

A few meters behind her, there was a brief flash of light. Natasha spun around in surprise and then a smile lit up her face.

"Hulk!" she cried out in relief.

"Arrgghhhhhghhhh," the Hulk howled.

"Rarhhghrrrrrrrr!"

 _Author Note: And that's it for the Hulk. One last chapter in the SW universe. Also, "hot tea" is from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. That's pretty obscure though!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Varykino_

 _Naboo_

 _3 months later_

Pooja Naberrie opened the front door and cried out with delight, "Grandfather!"

The elderly man smiled back at her, even as his hoverchair was guided into the main hall by one of the servants of House Naberrie. Pooja stood to one side and watched with relief as her grandfather disappeared into the living room, then turned back just as her mother, Sola, appeared in the door. The woman was dressed in her favorite green dress and appeared to be both healthy and relaxed.

"Mother!" Pooja said in relief. "I'm so glad to see you ... well."

Sola smiled at her daughter, "Yes, we are very well, my dear. But it is indeed good to be back."

The eyes of both women met, and Sola blinked four times in rapid succession. Pooja's tension eased, even as she turned to the young man who had come up behind the women, his hands guiding a hovering box with medical symbols on its side.

"Where would you like this medical equipment?" the gray garbed technician asked courteously.

Sola nodded briskly at the young man, "Upstairs. 2-NR2, please escort the supply technician to the medical supplies room upstairs, and then show him the way out the back entrance."

The blue protocol droid, who had been hovering to one side of the wide entrance corridor, bowed slightly at the young man.

"This way, please."

Pooja watched as the man, the box, and the protocol droid started their stately climb up the main stairs, then turned to her mother, "Shall we sit down with Grandfather? How was your time on Theed? Did you have an opportunity to meet with the Queen?"

Sola put an arm around her daughter's shoulders as they walked into the main living room.

"It was beautiful in Theed, Pooja. The stalistis were in full bloom ..."

On the second floor of Varykino, 2-NR2 opened a door and gestured with one blue hand, "Please place the medical box here, sir."

The supply tech obeyed meekly enough, then retreated back into the corridor.

"This way, please," the droid began. "The back stairway will take you to the transport landing ..."

Its voice trailed off as its power cord was abruptly yanked from its primary power supply.

"Sorry about that," Luke Skywalker said apologetically, even as he picked up the droid with the Force and pushed it into the room with the medical supplies.

He shut the door, closed his eyes, and walked carefully toward the corner room. Once outside the door, he paused, concentrated on the lock, and then braced himself as it slid open in obedience to his mental commands.

Luke stepped through the door cautiously, his hand on his lightsaber, then stopped in astonishment. His surprise was mirrored by the woman who stared for an incredulous moment, then leaped to her feet, her blaster in her hand.

For a long moment, they stared at one another.

"Skywalker," Mara Jade hissed.

"Jade?" Luke questioned in bewilderment. It was, of course, Jade, but her Force signature had changed so much since they'd last met that he was thoroughly startled.

He glanced, quickly and guiltily, at her legs, but they looked normal enough under the woman's practical brown tunic and pants, complete with leather boots.

For a long moment, the frozen tableau held, and then Mara slid her blaster back into its holster.

"It's about time you got here," she snapped.

Luke blinked in surprise, "What?"

"I mean, I get it, of course," Jade continued, beginning to pace in the lavish confines of the room. It was set up as some kind of office with two desks, one with a very large chair in front of it, two holoterminals, and piles of flimsies and datapads scattered here and there.

"He has been a lousy father to you," Jade continued. "But you have to see it from his side, Skywalker. He thought for twenty years that he murdered your mother and you. Do you have any idea what that does to man? To believe you murdered the woman you love, and your child with her?"

"Um, nothing good, I suppose ..." Luke said feebly, only to be interrupted.

"I know he tortured your friends and he chopped your hand off, and you have every reason to be honked off with him. But he needs you. I'm a reforming assassin, not a psychiatrist! How am I supposed to help him when I am a former Emperor's Hand, recovering from being under the influence of our mutual horrible master. I'm not the non-existent daughter he dreamed of, nor the real life son he loves!"

"Daughter ...?" Skywalker interpolated in bewilderment.

"He was sure," Jade said, skewering him with her gaze, "that his wife was carrying a daughter. So you were a surprise. But he does love you, a lot. And that has to count for something, right? He's not just a psychopathic, brutal Sith Lord with a hundred thousand deaths to his account. He's your father."

"I know that ..." Luke began.

"The Naberries," Jade interrupted heedlessly, "have been magnificent. They couldn't be kinder. But senator or not, Pooja Naberrie is a civilian, and so is everyone else here. It's amazing of them to harbor Darth Vader, formerly Anakin Skywalker, but reality is, he can't hide out here forever."

"I agree ..."

"So," Mara said, her face settled into a fierce scowl, "what have you been doing the last three months? Vader needed you here! I need you here, to deal with your father. I'm not equipped for this! I'm half crazy myself, thank you very much. Where have you been?"

Luke took a deep breath and held up placating hands, "I've been trying to find my father, Jade. I didn't know where he was."

She stopped, surprised, "You didn't?"

"Well, of course not," the youth replied in a reasonable tone. "Everything has been totally chaotic since Palpatine was squashed like a bilge bug by the Hulk. I'm sorry, I suppose that was insensitive."

"No," Mara said, her eyes kindling into near flames. "That man was a scummy, manipulative, selfish, egotistical Kodashi viper! I'm glad he's dead. I wish I had killed him myself."

Luke blinked and took a quarter step back.

"Ok," he said soothingly. "I ... uh ... agree, of course. I'm just surprised that you ... Let me ask you this, how did _you_ get here?"

"Your father rescued me," Jade said, taking a step closer to the Jedi. She lifted one finger and waved it at him imperiously. "You chopped off my legs and left me the only survivor in the Throne Room. Ysanne Isard and Sate Pestage were not happy with me. I'd failed to protect the Emperor, and my survival made me suspect. Given my physical weakness, I was in real trouble but your father sent in a team to extract me and bring me to him. He wanted to hear what happened, and I told him, word for word, about your mother's death, about what you said, about what Palpatine said. That vile rancor. He _used_ me. He used Vader. He used everyone! He was a completely selfish, self-absorbed, _jerk_!"

She paced again, focusing on getting her breathing under control. When she was calmer, she turned back to Skywalker, who was staring at her with slightly widened eyes.

"So how _did_ you find your father here at Varykino?" Jade demanded suspiciously.

"Well," Luke responded with a weary swipe of one hand across his brow, "it certainly wasn't easy. We tried the regular routes, you know, spies and such. No one could point me in the right star system. I tried Obi-Wan Kenobi, but he categorically refused to look for Father for me. He has major issues where Father is concerned ..."

"Kenobi?" Mara asked with a bewildered rise of her eyebrows. "The old Jedi? I thought he was dead at Vader's hand, on the Death Star."

"Oh yeah, he is," Skywalker assured her breezily. "But he appears as a ghost sometimes, always on his own terms. It can be truly annoying."

"Ghost."

"Or specter. So yeah, finally, a week ago, I had a dream about this place. And the next night another dream about the lake. I still had no clue where it was though. Three nights ago, the Force apparently decided it was tired of me being dense because I had another dream and the word Varykino appeared in big flashing lights along with an image of my father as, I suppose, he is now. Medically not great."

"He's a lot better," Mara said fiercely. "A lot better! The Naberries have been arranging for medical supplies for him under the guise of assisting Ruwee Naberrie, who has significant health issues."

"That makes sense," Skywalker returned thoughtfully. "I got the real supply tech drunk and took his place. I was just trying to find a way to Varykino that was low key, but I was surprised at the med tech supply list for Ruwee Naberrie. It seemed extensive."

"Yes," Mara said, then added. "He's your grandfather, you know."

Luke nodded, "And Sola is my aunt, and Pooja is my cousin. I would have liked to talk to all of them, but I wasn't sure how much they knew. I mean, I assume they know that I ... that I exist ..."

"Yes, of course," Jade said. "Vader explained about his marriage to your mother and ..."

She trailed off and tilted her head, even as Luke mirrored her movements.

"He's waking up," Luke said with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. "Does he always sleep this long? He has been asleep since I came out of hyperspace 9 hours ago, which seems odd though fortuitous. I couldn't have snuck up on him otherwise."

Jade moved toward the interior door of the office, "It's part of his treatment, Skywalker. He goes into a medically induced ... not coma, but close to it ... while the med droids work their painful magic. Shall we?"

Luke gulped, and nodded. The interior door slid open. Tentatively, Luke Skywalker walked into the adjacent chamber where his father lay.

"Look who decided to show up," Jade said in her typically snarky tone.

Darth Vader, formerly Anakin Skywalker, was lying on a bed, his face unmasked, his eyes partially open. At these words, however, his Force sense flared to full awareness, and he jerked upright, his _blue_ eyes wide with excitement and yes, joy.

"Luke!" he cried out, one prosthetic hand reaching out toward his son.

"Father," the youth replied, his own eyes filling with tears, "I'm so glad to see you again ..."

Vader gave Jade 'the look' and with a sigh, she retreated into the adjacent room to let the two Skywalker males reunite in privacy.

Feeling slightly forlorn, the former Emperor's Hand drifted over to the food and drink dispenser and ordered a cup of blue milk.

/

"Are you all right, Luke?" Vader demanded, his eyes scanning his son's form carefully. "Jade gave me a clear description of what happened in the Throne Room, but she wasn't entirely certain how badly the Force lightning hit you. It can cause serious damage."

His son waved a careless hand, "I'm fine, Father. Palpatine was mostly focused on the Hulk and when he did attack me, I caught most of the lightning with my saber. And then the Hulk flattened him. No real damage to either of us, thankfully."

The elder Skywalker relaxed and took a deep breath, "I am most pleased, my son. Darth Sidious was so powerful that I still find it astonishing that you were able to defeat him, but your Green Friend was no doubt a most valuable assistant."

"It's more like _I_ assisted _him_ ," Luke replied, wandering over to gaze out a window. The view was a lovely one, of the lake around Varykino, dotted with tiny red hovercraft.

He turned back to face his father with a wry smile, "As you know, the Hulk nearly killed _you_ , Father. He's very strong and very tough."

Vader nodded and cast an unnerved glance at the window beyond his son's slim form, "And is there any chance he'll come hurtling through the window to pummel me again?"

His boy chuckled, "No, he's gone. He's not of this galaxy, Father, or this time. Our meeting was of the Force, and we both achieved our goals. He's returned to his own time and place now, forever."

"I cannot pretend to regret that," the cyborg responded, with a dubious glance at his own body. He was still recovering, many months later, from the beating he'd sustained in that interrogation cell on Corellia.

His sense of humor, which had lain dormant for decades, had awakened enough for him to appreciate the irony of his own physical battering in an Imperial interrogation chamber.

"How are you doing, Father?" Luke asked gravely, approaching his father's bed.

There was a long pause before the elder Skywalker spoke, "Physically, I am still recovering from my injuries sustained on Corellia, but in the midst of recovery I have received life improving medical treatments, especially since Palpatine died. He kept me weak for decades, limiting my healing so that I could not successfully overthrow him. Emotionally ..."

He trailed off before continuing. His voice was weak without the vocoder, and Luke found himself leaning forward to hear every word.

"I didn't kill your mother, Luke," Vader said quietly, closing his eyes and leaning back against the bed.

"I know," Luke said softly. "The Emperor told me that she died unknown causes but that Palpatine convinced you that you had killed her."

The (former) Sith's eyes opened again, and now they flashed yellow briefly before settling back to blue, "He lied to me first by telling me that he could save your mother from dying in childbirth. I turned to the Dark Side to save her. Then he convinced me that I had killed her in my anger. After I lost your mother and, I thought, my child, there was nothing left but Palpatine. And so I pledged my life to him, I destroyed people and worlds ..."

"That time is past, Father," his son responded tenderly.

There was a long pause and a grimace crossed the former Jedi's scarred face, "My time as a despotic Sith Lord is past, my son, but few people will be forgiving of my many sins."

"I know," Luke replied gravely. "But you are safe for now, here with the Naberries. It took me a long time to find you, Father. I admit it is surprising ..."

"That they welcomed me in?" his father asked with a weary smile. "They did. They are fine people. But our arrangement benefits them as well. The galaxy is in turmoil, but Naboo is secure. I have devoted considerable resources to making it safe."

"I'm glad," Luke said simply. "I ... don't remember my mother at all, but I'm sure she would be glad to know her family and home are secure."

The cyborg's left hand twitched slightly and he sighed deeply, "She loved Varykino and because of her, I loved it as well. We were married here, under the spreading tree on the terrace. She wore white and was the most beautiful creature the galaxy has ever seen ..."

His voice trailed off for a long moment, before continuing, with a distinct choke in his voice, "I miss her so much, Luke."

Luke nodded, his own eyes misting, "Can you tell me about her, Father?"

/

Mara had nearly completed her glass of blue milk when the door to her quarters opened abruptly and Pooja Naberrie rushed in, her eyes wide with distress.

"Senator?" Jade asked carefully, rising to her feet.

"Jade!" Pooja responded, glancing around quickly, then relaxing in relief. "Is everything all right? A tech came in and apparently sabotaged our protocol droid! I just found the droid in the medical supply room, deactivated. I was afraid someone might have found out about ... about Uncle Ani."

Mara took a last drink before waving a vague hand in the direction of Vader's room, "He did. It's Skywalker, your cousin. He said he got the real tech drunk and took his place."

Pooja's mouth dropped open incredulously and she shook her head, "My cousin? Here? Are you sure ... that he won't, you know ...?"

"Kill his father?" Jade demanded drily. "He won't. He's a noble Jedi, Senator."

She found herself smiling in a mildly goofy way, "He's really cute, too. I didn't notice that before."

Pooja was staring at her as if she was insane, "I thought Skywalker chopped off your legs."

The former Emperor's Hand shrugged and walked over to the food dispenser in search of a snack, "I deserved it. I would have killed him if I could, I was so insanely devoted to the Emperor. Pathetic."

Pooja sighed and walked over to the window, staring out at the lake. The wind had freshened, causing larger ripples to move across the water.

"My Aunt Padme trusted him, as did Uncle Ani. You're hardly alone, Jade. And you grew up ..."

"Yes, I did," Jade interrupted quickly. She didn't want to talk about her childhood, which had been, frankly, a tragic mess of training and spycraft and dancing and misplaced devotion to a foul Emperor.

"Do you want to go in and meet your cousin, Senator?" she asked formally.

Pooja shook her head, "No, Uncle Ani and Skywalker should ... they should have time together. When Skywalker, when my cousin, comes out, please let him know the whole family is looking forward to meeting him."

/-

"Your kind and generous spirit comes from your mother, Luke," Anakin Skywalker said rather tremulously. "She was a warrior, incredibly brave and devoted, but with endless compassion for the people of the galaxy. Physically, you look a lot like I did as a child, as surprising as that probably seems to you."

Luke smiled reassuringly at his semi-broken father, "We have the same eyes, Father."

"Yes, we do," the former Sith agreed, then shook his head. "While Padme was pregnant with you, I was sure she was carrying a girl. She was equally certain she was carrying a boy, and of course she was right. And I couldn't be happier. But it still surprises me. I had a strong picture in my mind of a daughter who looked like my Angel, with dark hair and eyes ..."

He trailed away as his son's face grew thoughtful.

The youth hesitated, then reached forward and grasped his father's right hand in his own smaller hands, "Father, I feel its right to tell you this now instead of waiting. I have a twin sister ..."

 _Author Note: An epilogue after this and then this fic will be done! Happy Thanksgiving for those of you who celebrate that holiday._

 _Oh, re 'hot tea' and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: a major plot point was the creation of the infinite improbability drive for the starship Heart of Gold. The drive was made by suspending a finite improbability generator to a hot cup of fresh, strong tea. Yes, it's obscure._


	5. Chapter 5

_Author Note: I changed my mind and decided to have our galaxy and the SW galaxy interact again in the epilogue._

 _Dialogue in italics_ : English

Dialogue in normal font: Basic

For the purposes of this story, they are not the same language because ... they wouldn't be. Galaxy far far away, a long time ago? They wouldn't speak English.

 _Random laboratory_

 _Hartford, Connecticut_

 _Earth_

Loki, god of mischief and lies, was, he admitted to himself, nervous.

No, afraid. He was afraid.

Thor could be handled. For all that Thor was thoroughly exasperated with his (adopted) brother's shenanigans (including facilitating the invasion of Earth by the Chitauri, resulting in the near destruction of New York City,) Thor wouldn't actually _kill_ his brother.

The Hulk, on the other hand, was entirely capable of picking the Asgardian up and slamming him into the floor repeatedly, potentially until he was dead.

Loki had already suffered through being pummeled by the Giant Green Beast once, and didn't care to repeat it.

He sighed even as he scurried into the main laboratory of this unprepossessing building and locked the door. That might keep Thor out for a minute. Banner, if he was already Hulkish, would blow through it in half a second.

Why did this lab have to be Banner's? Loki had heard from a spy who had heard from another spy that this lab had valuable Earth technology so naturally the mischievous god wanted it. Naturally. But then he'd arrived here (surreptitiously, he'd thought) and an alarm had gone off and loudspeakers had started blaring and it quickly became obvious that he'd stumbled upon research gold.

Which would be all to the good except ...

There was a howl from outside the door which caused Loki's heart to begin palpating in ... not terror ... self-preservation. That's right, self-preservation.

Briefly, he fingered the plasma gun in his hands. It was powerful enough to rip through a wall, but it wouldn't do much to the Hulk. Or Thor, for that matter.

With a groan, Loki glanced around frantically. No exits from this room except for a window and while he could fall 50 feet without major harm, so could the Hulk, who would certainly chase after him and smash him against the ground. Or a wall. He might do that too.

"Loki! Loki! Open the door!"

Thor!

The Asgardian looked around frantically and then his eyes widened.

Wait, what was that? He recognized this! Energy field. Small nuclear generator! Infinity Stone! No, _two_ Infinity Stones! Hot tea! Hot tea?

Portal!

The door to the laboratory blew open and Loki caught sight of a giant green arm. But then he was leaping into the portal and away ... somewhere.

 _/-_

 _The north garden of Varykino_

 _Naboo_

 _4 years after the death of Emperor Palpatine_

"How was your night, Leia?" Luke asked in concern.

His twin sister sighed even as she patted her small daughter on the back. "It could have been worse. And it could have been better. Bria was up twice but she went back to sleep after I nursed her. So yeah, I'm Ok. How did you guys do?"

"Biggs slept through the night, and Owen was just up once," her twin returned, "so we slept well."

"Now you're just bragging," Leia said with a nudge of one elbow.

Luke chuckled, "The twins are 3 months older than Bria, Leia. By the time she's 5 months old, she'll probably be sleeping through the night too."

"I hope so," Leia said with a groan. "I've been captured, imprisoned, tortured, shot, courted by boring princes, and sat through incredibly long Senate meetings, but I have never, in all my life, been this tired."

Her sister-in-law came through the door with her arms full of baby boys.

"Luke," Mara called, "can you please take Owen? I need to change Biggs's diaper."

"No problem," her husband said with a smile, reaching over to relieve his wife of one of her burdens. "Come here, big boy. Come to Daddy."

"Where are the drinks?" Solo asked, wandering out of the back door of Varykino and into the garden.

"C-3PO is setting them up over by the stalistis," Leia said with a smile. "Plus food, of course. We'll have enough to feed an army."

"When Skywalkers and Solos and Naberries and their assorted relations assemble," her husband replied, "that's a good thing."

"I have a Corellian brandy you'll appreciate, Solo," Anakin Skywalker said, rising from his patriarchal seat near the garden.

"What year?" his son-in-law demanded.

"4 years before Yavin," the former Sith replied.

Solo found it hard not to drool, "That was a great year, sir."

Abruptly, there was a strange surge in the Force and all the trained Force users tensed and looked around.

All three Skywalker/Solo babies lifted their little faces and sucked on their thumbs intently.

Han Solo, Force blind though he was, brought his weapon to bear. He was sufficiently familiar with his relations to know that when they were alert, he'd better be alert as well.

Then, with unnerving synchronicity, Mara, Anakin, Leia, and Luke turned toward an uneti tree near the back of the garden. A strange, large, whirling blue light had appeared, and before their wondering eyes, a human figure stepped out of it.

Luke took a few steps forward, his brow crinkled in bewilderment.

"Broose?"

Loki stepped out of the portal, his hand tightening around his plasma gun. Where was he?

A moment later, he relaxed slightly. It was a _garden party_ of all things – sedate, pastoral, filled with random humans including three babies. Well, he'd be able to hand this situation.

" _Bruce?_ " one of the men repeated, and Loki congratulated himself that he'd had the presence of mind to take on Banner's form on the way through the portal. Not that _that_ had been easy. The portal had been rather a turbulent affair and it was just as well that he was a powerful Asgardian. He doubted the average human would have survived the trip.

The man who recognized Banner had drawn within 3 meters now, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

" _It's good to see you again_ ," Loki tried.

The face grew even more bewildered, and the man turned slightly to address the other humans in an unknown tongue.

They didn't speak English! Or any other language that Loki recognized!

A moment later, a strange shiny robot trundled into view. It was human height, but covered in golden plating.

" _Greetings, Bruce Banner,_ " the robot stated in a surprisingly prissy tone. " _As I am sure you remember, I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. My facilities are at your service. Master Luke wishes to know what happened to your translation circuit."_

The Asgardian blinked, then took a deep breath.

 _"I fear my ... translation circuit was damaged going through the portal,"_ he improvised.

The robot turned to speak to the others in another language.

The young man stared at him for a long moment, then took a careful step back.

"Mara, take Owen," Luke ordered his wife.

Loki knew suspicion when he saw it. With superhuman speed, he lifted his gun and shot a plasma bolt directly at the man with the baby.

Before his wondering eyes, the man lifted one hand (the one not holding the infant) and the bolt bounced off him as if off a shield, though the power of the plasma bolt was strong enough to knock the man (with child) off his feet.

There was a sudden, shrill cry from the baby even as Loki tried to fire again, this time at the tall, scarred, odd looking man who was leaping towards him. Before he could fire, something unseen but incredibly strong yanked the gun from his hand!

With a snarl of rage, Loki jumped forward and found himself grappling with the tall human. The man was, upon closer inspection, partially robotic as both legs and both arms were made of some kind of artificial material.

There was a thrashing, breathless moment as the cyborg grabbed Loki, preparatory to knocking him down. But the Asgardian was ready – he was far stronger than a mere human, and he was able to maneuver his body and throw the cyborg over his shoulder and onto the grass beneath their feet.

The gun had fallen a few meters from him and he leaped forward to retrieve it, just as something grabbed him around the neck. His hands went to his throat. Nothing was physically there, but ... he couldn't take a breath.

A moment later, as he struggled to make sense of this lack of oxygen, the tall man grabbed him and threw him onto the ground. With dilating eyes, Loki saw and felt a cyborg hand smash into his face, and then again, and then again ...

"Stop, Father!" Luke yelled to Anakin. "Don't kill him! We need to figure out what is going on."

Reluctantly, Anakin stopped smashing the man in the face, even as the trembling in his body threatened to overwhelm the former Sith. He had turned back to the Light, but the sight of this man shooting at his son and grandson was almost more than he could bear.

"And Leia, stop strangling him!" Luke snapped at his sister.

She rolled her eyes but obediently let go, allowing their unknown assailant to gasp for breath.

Luke cuddled Baby Owen close even as he scanned the child for injuries. The baby was howling indignantly, which was actually a good sign, and to Luke's relief, there was no apparent damage.

Mara came closer, her face pale with shock, and took Owen into her arms. The baby reached out to touch his twin brother and gradually, over the course of a minute, stopped sobbing.

Luke took a deep, cleansing breath and walked over to their assailant, who was lying on the grass with Anakin Skywalker sitting firmly on his chest. His father had lit his lightsaber and was holding it to the neck of the man (or alien), who lay on the ground, nearly unconscious, taking ragged breaths.

Incredibly and unnervingly, the man no longer looked like Banner. He had morphed instead into a tall, apparently male individual, with pale skin and rather long dark hair. He was dressed in black and green leather garments, with a golden belt around his waist.

"Well, that was fun," Solo said drily, stepping forward with a thin rope in his hands.

"Yeah," Luke returned. "Fun. And weird. Some kind of shape shifter? Come on, let's tie him up securely. And Father, if he makes any sudden moves, by all means run him through. He's not getting another chance at the kids."

"As you wish, Son," Anakin said grimly.

Loki, as he slowly regained full consciousness, found himself being hauled up by a dark haired man and a giant hairy brown creature who proceeded to tie him up very firmly with lots of rope. Hovering over him was the tall, partially mechanical, man, his blue piercing eyes glaring into Loki's own. The man did not look happy, and he held a strange blue glowing light sword at the ready. It looked dangerous.

His captors were obviously unwilling to take any chances, as by the time they were done, he was so thoroughly tied up that he was barely able to twitch.

Not that Loki felt well enough to do much more than twitch. He felt terrible after being choked and slugged! What kind of garden party was this? Who were these people?

Luke glanced at Mara, who was smiling in relief, though her eyes were bright.

"Owen is fine, Luke."

There was yet another flash, and Luke spun around even as he turned on his saber. He wouldn't be caught unawares again!

The Incredible Hulk leaped through the portal with a howl, and in spite of themselves, Anakin and Mara cringed and took an unnerved step back.

Luke, on the other hand stepped forward.

"Broose?" he asked doubtfully.

A moment later, the Great Green Creature began shrinking, and within 10 seconds a man stood there, identical in form and feature to the shapeshifter who had come through the portal a few minutes ago, except that he was wearing only stretchy blue pants.

"Luke!" Banner exclaimed worriedly, glancing around. He caught sight of Loki, bound and flat on the ground, and relaxed openly. "What a relief! Did he ... uh ... hurt anyone?"

"He tried," Luke said grimly, gesturing to a blanket lying on the ground. It flew into his hand, and he offered it to Banner. "Want a baby blanket? It's just a little chilly today."

The scientist raised an incredulous eyebrow and then, with a sigh, wrapped the green blanket around his shoulders and torso.

"At least it's not pink," he stated.

"Pink?" Leia asked in a puzzled tone. "Of course not. That would be cultural appropriation. Only Gungans clothe their babies in pink."

Banner blinked, "On Earth ..."

"Never mind that," Luke interrupted firmly. "What is going _on,_ Broose? You told me no baddies could get through the portal from Earth, but I assume this guy is evil. He looked like you, pretended to be you, then shot at me while I was holding my baby boy!"

Banner's mouth drooped open in astonishment, "That's terrible! Uh, you have ... a baby? That's ... when did that happen?"

Luke rolled his eyes, "Actually, two babies. Mara and I have twin boys, age 5 months."

Bruce stared at Mara, who had come up beside her husband with her twins held protectively close.

"Isn't, er, isn't this beautiful young lady from the Emperor's Throne Room?" he asked in bewilderment. "Didn't you chop off her legs!?"

Luke looked guilty, "Yes, but she very kindly forgave me for that."

"And the prosthetic replacements are actually quite awesome," Mara chimed in. "I can change them out for water skis when I want to. Great fun."

"But when ... how did all this happen in like a _week_?" Bruce demanded, walking over to glare down at Loki. The Asgardian was looking rather dazed, but he managed a thoroughly irritable glance at Banner.

"A week?" Luke repeated in bewilderment, "It's been four years since you killed the Emperor! Four years! I'm married to Mara. My twin sister is married to my friend Solo. The Empire fell! My father is redeemed and mostly healed. It's been four years!"

Banner spun around, his mouth gaping incredulously. "Four years? Four ..."

He turned around slowly, taking in the garden and its people, and then turned back to Luke with a sigh.

"I'm so sorry, Luke," he said. "It's only been 7 days on Earth. I ... I really was going to shut down the experiment but I had short term access to a couple of Infinity Stones and I thought I could just get this really important experiment done and then Loki broke into the lab and went into the portal ... I'm sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Luke glared at him for a long moment and then his lips widened into a smile, "Yes, you are. I forgive you, Broose. No harm done. He couldn't speak Basic, which tipped me off that something was wrong, and when I focused with the Force, I could sense it wasn't you. So yeah, we're fine. But can you get him out of here?"

Banner glowered down at the bound Asgardian, who grimaced but remained wisely silent.

"Yes, I'll change back into the Hulk and haul his butt back to Earth through the Portal," he assured the assembled Skywalkers. "His older brother Thor is waiting for him there, and he is not pleased."

" _I prefer Thor to this lot_ ," Loki commented snidely, obviously reacting to his brother's name, then lapsed into silence as the lightsaber shifted slightly closer to his neck.

"When I get back this time, I'll shut down the experiment entirely. I promise." Broose assured his friend.

Luke smiled and relaxed, "Very well, my friend. May the Force be with you."

"Uh, and with you too," Banner replied. He stepped over to Loki and bent down, then straightened again to stare at his friend uneasily.

"So, nothing is ... wrong here, correct?"

"Wrong in what way?" Leia demanded sharply, her gaze piercing.

"Um, like ..." Broose trailed off, then started again determinedly. "No one has disappeared, right? Or unexpectedly reappeared? All the expected people are here?"

Luke, Leia, Han, Mara, and Anakin all did a frantic baby check, and then simultaneously relaxed.

"Babies all accounted for," Luke said firmly.

"And the rest of us are here too," Solo chimed in, even as Chewbacca roared in agreement.

"Why?" Mara demanded.

Banner shook his head, "Nothing, really. I was doing an experiment with ... uh ... potential alternate time streams. Like, um...it is a theoretical possibility that with a couple of Infinity Stones, something that never happened could hypothetically happen and then get mixed up with what really happened ..."

He trailed off at the glazed looks from the assembled onlookers, and shook his head, "Never mind, not important."

"How could something that didn't happen, happen?" Solo demanded.

"It's ... just theoretical," Banner repeated weakly. "And like I said, not really important. I was just a little nervous because of Loki's powers and the Portal and two Infinity Stones and Earl Gray tea was particularly strong and your galaxy is weird. But we're good."

There was a pause, and then he straightened himself up.

"Well, I'll be going now."

"Go already," Luke said with a warm smile. "We need to get on with Leia's and my Life Day party."

"Happy ... uh Life Day to you both," Broose said with a duck of his head, and turned toward the rather woebegone Loki, who was still flat on his back with a former Sith looming menacingly over him.

A moment later, Banner was the Hulk. A moment after that, the Hulk had hauled Loki to his feet and was clasping his bound form in a not very gentle embrace. A moment after that, both were in the portal and through the portal. And a moment after that, the portal disappeared, leaving a sunny day, a brisk wind, and three cooing babies.

"Well!" Leia said, and shook her head incredulously. "Never a dull moment around here."

"All's well that ends well," Solo said, walking over to give his baby daughter a kiss.

"I see the Naberries' transport coming in, so the party will be starting soon," Luke said, lifting his face toward the west.

"I need to go get the cake," Leia said abruptly. "It's in the kitchen. But I think Bria needs to eat so ..."

"I will fetch the cake," Anakin said with a smile, marching briskly toward the door into Varykino.

He needed a moment to regain his equilibrium. He didn't want to even dip a spiritual toe in the Dark Side of the Force, but when his family was threatened, he wanted to go ballistic. Totally Wookiee.

But everyone was all right. This Loki individual was now far, far away. The Hulk hadn't smashed him into mush this time. All was well in the galaxy.

He turned into Varykino's main corridor, then took a hard right into the kitchen.

And stopped.

A woman stood against the table, her back to him. She was short and slender, with dark hair swept up in an elaborate braided bun.

She turned around now at his entrance, her face aglow with pleasure.

"Oh, there you are, Anakin," she said with a smile.

Anakin felt abruptly faint, and blinked a few times to steady himself.

She looked older, of course, since he'd seen her more than two decades ago. Her hair was streaked with silver. Her face wore lines of both laughter and sorrow. But it was ... it was ...

"Padme?!" he croaked.

"Can you please help me with Luke and Leia's cake, Anakin?" Padme asked, "I'd hate to drop it."

 _The End_

 _Author Note: Many, many thanks to those of you who have followed and reviewed this short and crazy fic. And thank you to my wonderful husband, who edited it with his usual aplomb and skill!_


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